Smiling Always
by Invisibleamericanburgers
Summary: It's what he can do right now. Pretend to be happy. He is the hero. If they don't know about his handicap, it wouldn't hurt them, right? It hurts though. The mocking, the laughs, the pranks. It hurts. Please. Somebody help me. Anybody. Why do I put up with this? Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Fire burning his face, pain seeping throughout his body, his voice sore from screaming. Liquid falling from his eyes, his shaking hand touched his face to see blood on his dirty hand. He was crying blood for his children, his family, his people. Sorrow washed through him, thousands of his children were crying. Crying because of the thousands that died. Died when the plane crashed or when the towers fell. The wall caving in on their small bodies, or chocking on the smoke and ash that rose when the towers collapsed. It was their pain wracking his body, not him. It was living death over and over again. It was overwhelming his senses, it was indescribable pain. How could he be the hero when something like this could happen any day? How could he be the strongest when only a few decisions from some terrorists could bring him to his knees. How could he possibly protect others when they couldn't bother themselves to see how he was faring? Could he possibly die here? Please. Let this pain stop! It hurts! It hurts! With a new wave of pain crossing his body, America let out a raw scream of pain his hands scratching his face to try to relive himself of the burning sensation. It hurts! Make it stop. Please.

* * *

America woke up with a gasp, his heart thumping and phantom pains on his face aching. It was just a dream. A simple dream. One that came every single night. For the last 12 years. Hs heart was thumping against his rib cage and he placed his hand on his chest to make sure that it wasn't going to pop out.

"Siri!" He breathed, and there was a bing sound from his phone. "Time?" He asks.

"7:56 AM, Monday 3rd of June." Came the automated voice from his phone.

"Any important things I should know about?"

"You have the World Meeting at the Summit for the next week."

Oh yeah. America got up from his bed, his hands running through his hair, flinching when his fingers found Nantucket, but that was understandable. It was his E-zone. He blinked a few times, but it didn't do anything. It was still black all around him. With ease and practice, America tossed his blankets to the side and stumbled out of bed. He took three steps forward and then turned like a clock to pick out clothes. Feeling the different texture beneath his fingers America picked through his clothes looking for the one that he wanted. His fingers touched leather and he pulled out his jacket and set it on the bed. He quickly found his clothing and slipped them on and pulled on his leather jacket in the dark. Fumbling with his phone, America slipped that into his pocket and almost tripped on some stuff while heading towards his door to leave. Grumbling on how he should probably pick that up later, he fumbled with the lock, his hand touching the light switch. It was switched on.

"Would you look at Siri! I left the light on, now my bill is going to be high!" America sighed as he flicked it off, and unbolted the door. The rush of air met his face was the only greeting that he felt from the summer outside. He could feel the sunlight on him, but sadly he couldn't see the beautiful day. Yeah, so what if America is blind. He is the hero so he can totally survive. Right?

* * *

America pulled out a wad of bills from his pocket and paid the cabbie the amount of taking him to the Summit. It was a secret place, so don't ask. Alfred started to whistle as he found the stairs and began to walk up. The reason why he was whistling? The echo thing that bats do to see. It was nice, especially when America had better hearing than most. That's why he dodged the flying object that came hurtling down the stairs. There was a splat sound as the object landed on the ground.

"Dammit! I missed!" Growled Romano above him, and America just laughed merrily.

"Nice one Romano!" He shouted, to get a good sense of who else was with the Italian.

"Shut up burger bastard." He growled and stalked off.

"But Lovi~ you threw the tomato so nicely!" Spain complimented as they moved off.

It seems that they were starting early. Oh well.

America walked into the hidden building that was hidden for a reason (*cough fangirls cough*) and kept whistling off tune. It was an old song that he couldn't remember the title of but it had a catchy song.

"Shut up." Cuba growled nested to him and shoved America into the nearest wall.

It hurt.

America just laughed and grinned. "Cuba, my man I didn't see you there!" He got up and continued into the building that he feared.

Was it alright to pretend?

America bumped into somebody, and landed on his butt. He was spacing off and wasn't paying attention.

"Ohonon, it seems that America head is already in the clouds. I think it has found residence up there!" France cackled, and there was a grunt next to him.

"What head? Hero's act from the heart, not from their brains. Oh no, they all fight and toss each other across the city." England snorted next to France.

They were just joking, right?

"Haha! Nice one guys. Love the joke." America could practically feel their smirks radiate off of them.

"Sure." France probably made a rude gesture and the two rivals laughed. America laughed with them.

What should I do?

America walked into the meeting and sat down in his seat. He had the ever present smile on his face, but had his eyes closed. It really didn't make a difference.

"America-san how are you?" A voice from his side caught him again. He opened his eyes and looked blankly at the wall of darkness.

"Doing fine Japan! How are you?"

"I am well. What are you thinking about?"

I couldn't tell him.

"Just thinking about my awesome presentation. I am talking today!" America said very loudly so he judge where Japan was. It was difficult sometimes, the small Asian was always so quiet.

"That is very important, I am sure. Please excuse me, China wishes to speak to me." And Japan left America alone in his seat.

Why doesn't he speak up to help, that wasn't bad to wish it, right?

America couldn't see what time it was, and he didn't want to ask Siri. As if the phone could read his mind, it binged. "9:35 AM, Monday 3rd of June."

"Ha! He is so stupid he can't read a clock, aru!" China said gleefully. "America is so stupid!"

Not true.

"Whatever you say China." America grinned and shrugged as if the comment wasn't hurting him.

But that was a lie.

Finally it was time for the meeting to start, and Germany came in, his boots thumping on the carpeted floor.

"Everybody in your seats!" He yelled and the chatter stopped as everybody got to their seats.

The main show was starting.

"Ve~ I love pasta more than America loves his burgers~!" Italy announced in the silence. There were a few snickers around the room.

"Italy! It isn't your turn to talk, it is America so shut up while the moron speaks." England announced and Italy sat down next to Germany.

"Awesome! My turn!" America stood up and walked his way up to the front. A foot slid out and tripped him, and he went sprawling on the ground. Laughter roared across the room.

It hurt.

"Nice one, you got me there dude." America laughed, and stood up. "Alright dudes!" He turned and groped for chalk. He found the stick and he gripped it as he blindly drew a circle and squiggles. "The earth needs a hero! So all of you need to be my awesome sidekick! Russia, send me missiles, not aimed at me. China, forget my debt, it's too much to even pay back anyways! England, stay away from the kitchen! France, go seduce people into our army! Italy's, you make pasta. Germany, go drink some beer and chase Prussia around, he is too annoying! Japan, make me an invincible robot that can keep everybody safe by the works of me! The Hero!" America began to spout off nonsense. There were arguments across the room as soon as America had started to speak, so nobody even heard a thing.

"Shut up." A paper ball was thrown at him and it hit Americas head.

Make it stop, please! It hurts!

"How many Americans does it take to screw on a lightbulb?" Russia said in the corner. "None! They would be out eating McDonald's!" There was laughter from the Countries in the corner. The Baltic's were laughing, America realized, but kept on smiling.

Why me? Why do they hurt me?

"Americans are so overweight, they are making the land beneath them sink!" England chuckled, and there was more laughter.

Somebody help. Please.

"Non. I have a better one." France declared,"Chuck Norris wouldn't be able to lift an American, they are that fat!" More laughter.

Anybody. Help.

"Wanna know how much Americans eat in one year? We don't know! The scales couldn't tell us because they broke!" Spain told.

It hurts.

"I am not surprised that the Americans haven't died from diabetes yet!" Canada said, and America flinched. Even his brother.

I am drowning.

"I wondered why Americans looked so ugly, then I realized that mirrors broke when they looked into them, aru." China began.

I can't breath.

"Don't say it anymore." America whispered. His smile gone. "Someone help."

"Look at him! Do you finally think that he realizes we are insulting him?" Prussia cackled.

Please. Don't.

A drop of something wet touched his lip, and instinctively America licked his lips. Blood. He was starting to cry.

Heroes never cry.

A smile wobbled on his face before it stabilized. "Hahaha! My times up guys, too bad you don't get the rest of my lecture!" America yelled over the laughter and started back to his seat. His hand shook as he touched his seat before sitting down. The chair was yanked right before he sat on it and America fell to the ground. Laughter again. Canada was laughing behind him, and he was the one who had taken the chair.

Why can't the pain stop?

"Good one bro!" America smiled and took the chair back before sitting on it. The laughter stopped when Germany shouted and the next person started their speech. A,Erica didn't pay attention. He was in inner turmoil. Like always.

Nobody helps the unwanted.

A paper all was thrown at America. He didn't react as it bounced off his chest.

Nobody wants to help.

Somebody snickered, as somebody else whispered something to them. He could hear his name being mentioned.

I can help. I can help the wounded.

Somebody placed a paper in front of him. He couldn't read it anyways so he folded it up and stuck it in his pocket. It would go with the other ones in his drawers. He smiles.

But I am the one hurt. I can't help myself.

The meeting stopped as the lunch break started. A rock was thrown at him. It hit his head.

Why do I put up with this?

"Hey America! Catch!" Romano called and something was tossed to him. It hit his head and it burst. Something stinky and sticky covered him. "Burger bastard is covered in garbage! How fitting of him!"

America huffed, and smiled. "Awesomeness Romano, didn't see that one coming." He begins to walk down the hall, insults hissed at him from every side. He needed to get home and change before the 20 minute break was over and he needed to go fast. He began to jog, and when he reached outside, somebody tripped him over the staircase. Each blow from the hard rock felt like more insults thrown at him.

He was the Hero. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

* * *

**alright. I was going through some books and I wanted to write this. I wrote this on my iPad so if there are any mistakes, they are autocorrected. I want feed back on this. I want it. Review.**

**flames accepted.**

**I don't own hetalia.**

**So. Tell me how you feel.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So dudes. I have made up the second book, and I know some of you are really lazy so I decided to just add this to 'Smiling Always' and get people to read this stuff. **

**This is an actual book And it is published. However, you won't be needing to go see that because it is... Well. Here. **

**So. Different book. Same story. And some of you have been begging for me to let the others find out about his blindness, so... In this book... Maybe.. Just read the words... You aren't that lazy...**

**I hope. **

**Besides some editing, and some more wording, it is the same. Enjoy you creeps.**

* * *

America had never felt so powerless before in his life, as a closed fist caught him in the middle of his stomach. He should have just run when he felt something in his gut twist as he arrived the Meeting hall. The silence in the room was a surprise and at first, America had thought that had been the first one there.  
Sadly, Life is a heartless bitch.  
The dark curtain around prevented him to see the hand that shot out and tossed him inside. The black fog that prevented him to see was always around him. America is blind, and he doesn't want to be seen as weak.  
But I am weak, aren't I?  
But that didn't help that the others were beating him senseless right now.  
A steel-toed boot hit the back of his knee, and America cried out in pain as he fell to the ground. Now he was being kicked all around. Curling to a small ball, his arms protectively over his arm, America whimpered against the attacks that came out of nowhere.  
I hate being blind.  
A foot caught him in the face, and blood spurted out of his nose, and there was a thin snap as the bone broke. America's eyes began to water, but that didn't stop the attacks from coming.  
Why me?  
But what was unnerving the most is that the assaulting people hadn't spoke at all. Their identity were unknown and that freaked America the most out. He didn't know who was continuing ramming their feet into his sides and legs. This became boring to his attackers for some reason and one of them began to apply slow pressure on his leg. Americana face was drenched in blood and tears, undistinguishable because they happened to be the same thing.  
Why do I suffer?  
Ever since September 9th, 2001, America hasn't been able to see, and whenever he cries, blood comes out.  
If the Countries knew about his ailment (which, none of them did. Hopefully. Because it is the one thing that America kept and guarded so secretively) they would treat him like a baby and they would instantly strip his 'World Superpower' title. Or if it was really bad, they would try to take over the land of the free. They would try to conquer America.  
Why do they keep on hurting me?  
America gasped as the pressure on his leg increased until he was writing on the floor. Then his leg bone snapped in half, making America scream.  
Still, there was silence from Americas attackers.  
Who are they?  
America laid on the ground and openly wept as the pain kept on increasing throughout his whole body. Hands grabbed his arms and hoisted him up onto his feet and the punches once again started. Americas tugged weakly on his arms but it was a futile action.  
I am done taking all of this shit.  
Something snapped inside of America. He was the goddam US of A! He shouldn't be taking this sort of treatment. He should be the one who is giving to this undeserving freaks.  
Ripping his arm out of his captors grip, America turned and socked him right in the mouth, as hard as he possibly could.  
Take those dammed lemons back, Life. I don't need them where I am going.  
Hands gripped Americas body as he struggled. He wants to draw blood. He wants to sink his teeth into skin. America wants to survive. He needs to fight back. With a roar, America tossed the people away and leap on a smallish person and began to scratch their face with his nails. More hands gripped America and pulled him off the the now-shaking figure and America yelled curse words that would make any Marine blush.  
He is the US of Ass kicking.  
There wasn't silence anymore. It was filled with grunts and cries as America fought tooth and nail against his attackers. Finally America felt a familiar aura that he was certain was Russia. After all, who else was freaky enough?  
America went for the eyes.  
"Stop it! WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" A familiar voice by the door shrieked and America froze in mid punch. It was Finland, the person who America considered as 'Mom'. "Get yourselves off of him!"  
"Finland, we are just teaching him a lesson." England said soothingly and Americas heart dropped.  
His former brother was part of this. It wouldn't surprise him now if Canada was also part of the brawl.  
"By ganging up on him!? Su-san, please get America out of here." Finland ordered and America could hear the large footsteps approaching him. "England, France, China, Russia, Germany, and Romano, even Latvia! I thought you knew better than this!" Finland listed off the unknown assailants. "If Japan hadn't gotten me, then I would have gotten you when you least expect it."  
America felt himself being picked up in strong arms and he cried out when his broken leg was jostled.  
"Did you-? OH YOU BASTARDS!" Denmark roared and America winced at the loud noise. "You broke his leg! I am going to break every single bone in-"  
"Now is not the time." Norway replied and America could hear the seething anger in the Nordics voice. "We will all talk to you later."  
America felt himself being carried out of the room and Finland began to ask if certain areas hurt.  
Everything hurts.  
"Aha, it's nothing Finalnd, I feel fine!" America smiled, and he felt blood rush up his throat and he coughed it up.  
"I do not believe that." Said Norway,"in fact, I think it is best that we should go to the hospital."  
"Nah, I am really fine!" America said and then he felt a hand on his face.  
"America? Are you.. crying blood?" Finland hand was smooth against Americas cheek, then he gasped. "Oh my god, you are! Su-San! Get to the car quickly."  
No. No. Nononononono!  
"No you don't need to do this." America said, but he felt that Sweden was already running. "It's always been like this, nothing to worry about."  
Please don't let them find out.  
"'M'r'c', th's 'sn't r'ght. Y' n''d t' g' t' th' h'sp't'l." Sweden finally spoke up and America struggled to get out of the larger Countries grasp.  
"Little dude, what they did was wrong and they can fined pretty heavily by hurting you. And we are here for you. I can't believe that they were saying such stuff to you. I never realized.."  
"Just take me home." America said, his voice flat. "I will get my privet doctor to come and fix me up. Just take me home."  
"But-"  
"Tino," America said Finland's real name,"it would pretty hard to explain why my broken leg was healed up in three hours. My privet doctor knows what I am and she will be the best help I can call for." And that she knew that he was blind.  
"'Es r'ght." Sweden said, and a car door was opened and America was gently placed inside, though he winced when his leg was touched slightly.  
Almost got it...  
"But we are staying with you until she comes, alright?" Denmark said and then entered the car as well.  
So close. Dangit.  
"Fine." America said, knowing that he couldn't lie out of this one.  
"Where do you live. I know that you live in your home and not in the hotel." Norway asked and America gave him instructions. His head was beginning to spin and even though he couldn't see, he was getting dizzy.  
This wasn't going to end well.  
"Call Dr. Aralia at this number." America fumbled his phone out of his pocket (which hadn't been damaged during the fight) and handed it to a Nordic who was next to him. "I think I am about to pass out." And America couldn't stop himself falling over into a dark abyss that seems to be even darker than before.  
"Ameri-"  
_The relief of the pain was a blessing.  
Floating in the darkness was a dark beauty that nobody could understand.  
Here, nobody could call you fat, ugly, or stupid.  
It was here that America felt the most relaxed. Sometimes he could visit this place after bleeding himself in his bathtub, or when he tries to drown himself.  
However, each time the darkness was always cut short and America had to go back to the real world.  
I hate the real world.  
It's unjust.  
It's unfair.  
It's torture to the innocent.  
The unique ones get picked on.  
The square pegs that can't fit into round holes get the blame.  
Then when they are gone, the others have nothing but themselves to blame.  
Forever guilt because they thought they were teasing.  
But a joke isn't a joke when you have to say 'Just Kidding'.  
I hate living.  
People cry because they loved them once and now they won't be able to see them again because of their actions. But do they ever think on how the person felt when they died?  
Relief.  
I know because I keep on dying, but it always comes back. Life is cold hearted and won't leave me alone.  
When an animal is cornered, it will keep on fighting. To them, dying is like finally escaping the hunters snare.  
But that isn't the solution.  
America felt numb, not only in this body, but in his mind too. This blessed blackness was all he could ever return to.  
The suicidal people out their don't have the second chances like him. What is over is over.  
America knows that he would return to the land of the living, but a pang in his heart tells him that thousands of children or adults would never get the chance to.  
Life isn't so heartless, but she can be a bitch. _  
America felt his consciousness being ripped out of the darkness and once again, the pain entering his system. It throbbed with every heartbeat signifying that he was indeed, alive once again.  
He opened his eyes (even though he knew it wouldn't do anything) and noticed that Texas wasn't on his face anymore. They must have fallen off or.. He was at a hospital. The smell was a clear sign, as well as the beeping noise that went off every time his heart beat thumped. Even his bed wasn't this soft..  
There was a sobbing noise in the corner of the... Room? Yeah. Room. America turned his head to gage who was crying.  
"Tino?" Americas voice rasped, and the sobbing stopped and the sound of a chair being scraped back echoed across the room.  
"Alfred! You are awake! Oh my god!" Tino's voice broke,"I-we thought that you might never- and we-" Tino began to sob again.  
"How long have I been out?" America rasped out, and then went into a fit of coughs.  
"Three days."  
"Oh." America blinked. Never had he been in the wonderful darkness for that long. "How are the others?"  
Do they know?  
"Norway and Denmark and making plans for revenge against the others and Berwald and I have been here looking after you and not letting anybody show their faces to you." Tino sniffed.  
"That sounds like them." America smiled, or at least he tried to.  
"Why didn't you tell us that you couldn't see?"  
Dammit.  
"Who else knows." Americas hands turned into fists, the blanket covering America bunching up. He looked down and waited for Tino to answer his question.  
"Just us Nordics. Nobody else." Tino said after some while. His hand slipped into America and he squeezed it. "If you don't want anybody else to know then we won't tell."  
"Please. I am not going to let somebody baby me-"  
"This isn't something childish. Nothing like this is childish. You are just learning how to control your body in a new way that nobody else can." Tino said soothingly.  
"12 years. I haven't been able to see for twelve years. That is more than enough time to get used to his handicap."  
"Not really, hon. Have you ever heard something, and then hear it again but you found out something completely new the second time around?"  
"Yeah?"  
"That's how this is going to be. You see, well actually.. Never mind I am never using that phrase ever again." Tino then sighed and then patted Americas hand. "We are your family, ever since we first discovered you. Even though we haven't bonded or anything like that, you are my son. And I will always be here for you and I will make sure that the others know that messing with my little boy will cause them to go to the hospital!"  
Americas eyes burned as he heard this. Never had somebody ever been so frank with him before. "I-I'll just bring you down. You don't want me."  
I will just bring you down.  
"And I don't like Denmark, but he is my family. I have learned to live with his crazy antics. I am sure I will learn to love, and care for you in the way I can."  
Tears streamed down Americas face and Tino hugged him. He smelled of laundry and the ocean.  
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." America cried and hugged Tino while he rocked him back and forth. "Thank you. Thank you. _Thank you_."  
I am not alone anymore.

**Alright. Sappy ending! Whoot whoot! This is for my friend, sparklybutterfly42 who won this by guessing correctly and because I was really bored. Sorry I couldn't make this really angsty like you asked for. I was in the mood once again to write some angsty stuff, but my dad turned on Christmas music so it turned into this sappy thing. **

**Also, I suppose when the other nations are beating up America, I think somehow they got pissed or something. I am not going into much.  
I personally think that this still breaks my heart a little, and I hope the Nordics weren't mentioned in the prequel for making fun of America because I did a through job on including the major characters in there. It was also tough because I needed to think of a plot and I decided on letting only a few know about his blindness.  
Please review! **


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